She has a little think about the Eastleigh by-election

She has a little think about the Eastleigh by-election
A little late but I've finally got round to putting my thoughts down. So the by-election was shaping up to be an important one. Would the Lib-Dems keep the seat after all the scandal following Chris Hume and Lord Rennard? Could the conservative party prove themselves and show that they could win more seats? Seats they so desperately need to avoid another coalition. Did anybody think Labour would have a chance? What about the UKIP party, would they finally emerge as a contender?
And the results have shown us a few things.
That dispite how much the Lib-Dems continue to cock up people are still willing to vote for them. That the conservative party really isn't reaching out to people, surprise surprise. UKIP have managed to gain a great amount of support and people are now being forced into taking them seriously. Also that Labour aren't really offering what people want, Labour are still not ready to win again.
All this shows me is that we really don't have many options at the next general election. Naturally I'd consider myself a Labour supporter but I have little confidence in Ed Milliband and the current party lineup. The conservative party clashes with the majority of my core beliefs and values. UKIP, to me, is a utterly unbearable party which should not under any circumstances be even considered a vote. (I plan to write a blog entry covering this.) Lib-Dems have never appealed to me, their broken promises and deceit never really attracted me.
So, what choice do I really have? I'm being asked to vote but all the options really don't appeal. I think thats its about time we had new parties established. Left wing parties to accommodate the people on the left who are disillusioned with the Labour party and feel they have nowhere to turn.
If a party was going to emerge, I'd say it should happen now.

~~Who knew I was political eh~~

She has got some news

She has got some news
Something happened today. Something unexpected and brilliant. Lately there is another boy (lets call him N), not the one whom usually stars in my blog (lets call him E), but someone else. N's kind and really sweet. He has also got a wonderful sense of humour, which I adore. We just get on so well, it never feels forced or awkward. He's just amazing.
And I've thought this for a couple of weeks and even though we're not that closer we've definitely been getting much closer. It's all really nice, and N makes me happier.
Well, and today, I was sitting down reading some work and he came up to me. He looked a little nervous and extremely adorable. Then N asked me if I'd go on a date with him, quickly I said yes.
So, that's my news I'm going on a date. With someone who is so unbelievably great.
With him its different from before. N is easy to get along with and he doesn't play games with me. N seems just to genuinely like me. Whereas E isn't like that. With E its all or nothing, theres nothing simple or fun about it. E doesn't make me happy.
I think I've got to decide and I know that N is the right choice. Its about time I let go of all the pain and misery E caused me. But also all the love and passion.
I'm really looking forward to my date with N, I know it will be great.

~~Thanks for reading~~

She thinks a little too much

She thinks a little too much
Is there such thing as a coincidence. Sometimes it seems very unlikely. Like when you're thinking about a friend and they call you. You freak out and think how spooky was that. But, step back a little, how many times have you thought about your friend and they haven't called you. 10? 40? 372548103086248725349264? I'd imagine every other time you've thought of them.
So can we put this 'spooky' thing down to coincidence, logic and probability?

~~thank you for reading~~

She needs to get something off her chest

She needs to get something off her chest
I get annoyed with this boy who says a whole lot. He constantly spurts out his self righteous truths condemning the actions of everyone else. He degrades the average person due to their very human mistakes. In his eyes only he has morals, everyone else over-demands, over-consumes and does everything in excess.
He is a vegan, which is something I myself can identify with. For around 7 years Ive not eaten any meat and the limited dairy I eat comes from a free range farm where I know the people and I'm assured of their ethics. However no one knows this about me. I don't throw this in the face of all people I come into contact with to prove how I'm a better person than them.
Because that's the thing he has missed somewhere. That conscious is subjective. We all don't have the same set of views and morals, we all do what we think is right. And truthfully that's all we can do, because at the end who do we have to answer to but ourselves.  

~~Settle child, you will grow one day~~

She is finding it hard to deal with

She is finding it hard to deal with
Why the fuck do you do this to me? Why would you want to hurt me?
Why me?
I wish you would leave me alone. I'm done with feeling this way. I'm done with you fucking me about because it makes you feel in control or more secure.
You've showed me love and I fucking hate it. I hate that I can't help but want to talk to you. That all I ever want is you. you. But you throw it in my face! why? because you fucking can
You're really shit you are. You have made me feel worthless and you know you're doing it.
You've fucked me over and fucked me up.


~~Fell in love and all I did was cry~~

She reflects on her life

She reflects on her life

I’m young enough for people to argue I haven't had enough of a life to note. However I think I've been through enough for a life time. I've been looking back on my childhood quite a bit really. I sometimes wonder how its changed and shaped me. If I'd been different if it had been. I think I'd be less insecure maybe. But I don't think I'd be as strong or have such a perspective.

It may shock you if you've read my blog before as I seem quite overly dramatic about little things (boys). However in reality I think I don't allow things to bother me or at least I don't allow people to show that they do.

That’s what brought me to write this blog, it’s a way for me to express myself and just say what I'm thinking. I get scared of telling people what has happened or what I'm thinking in case it changes their opinion of me.

I used to lie a lot as a child to cover up the truth. My lies were more innocent than the truth behind them.
I've stopped now. I just don’t speak at all.

~~To not speaking but learning to type~~

She studies history and she hates war

She studies history and she hates war
I'm currently studying the Vietnam war. I find it a really hard war to justify or even comprehend. Admittedly I'm left-wing and socialist so maybe I'm just on the wrong side. Anyway after studying this war in a hell of a lot of detail, I have some conclusions. I'm not disrespecting the fallen US troops as they were brave and courageous.

The north Vietnamese were fighting for their freedom.
The US were fighting in the name of freedom.
By the reality of war does not allow for freedom.

~~That is all~~

She was just sent a link that she really likes

She was just sent a link that she really likes

This is so beautiful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdwQqkSOm_A&feature=player_embedded


~~Thanks for sending it me~~

She reminisces of her first kisses with him.

She reminisces of her first kisses with him.
Do you remember the first time that we kissed? I do. I was drunk and so were you, but I still remember. We were sitting alone in the kitchen, just talking. I don't remember what about but I know you made me laugh. I laughed a lot.
You looked into my eyes and you asked me if you could kiss me. I said yes and it happened. It was short and sweet. There was something innocent in it which made me warm inside.
Then you graped me and let out so much passion. This kiss was less idyllic. I remember thinking is a kiss suppose to hurt, it never has before. You kissed me like it was your first and last kiss. Like that kiss was all we had left.
Through the night we got drunker and things got less romantic. I didn't see you as much but we kept locking eyes and I knew you were thinking about that kiss.

The next time? Again, we were so drunk. You pulled me away....

I wonder if we'll ever kiss again.


~~Love, peace and joy to all~~

She would like to wish everyone a happy valentines day.

She would like to wish everyone a happy valentines day.
Unlike my usual self I'm trying to keep this positive, which is shocking especially as I'm writing about love. I've never had a valentine but this year I had two. My two best friends.
One of them gave me the happiest day just being herself. She kept me happy and we had fun.
The other kept me happy by revealing how much I mean to her. She was a little anxious to get the day over following quite a difficult break up. So me and my friend made a special effort and even sent her flowers. She was so grateful and this made me really happy.
Valentines day is for those in love and in relationships. Its questionable if I'm the first and the latter is never going to happen. But my valentines day was great, a little unconventional, but great. I love my friends and they gave me the perfect day.

~~Love to all~~

ADDED LATER

I'm so angry at this now

She realises that music is going to be a big part of this blog.

She realises that music is going to be a big part of this blog.
Current obsession:
'Cause I know that time has numbered my days
And I’ll go along with everything you say
But I’ll ride home laughing, look at me now
The walls of my town, they come crumbling down

And my ears hear the call of my unborn sons
And I know their choices colour all I’ve done
But I’ll explain it all to the watchman’s son,
I ain't ever lived a year better spent in love

'Cause I'll know my weakness, know my voice
And I believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is fast,
But I’ll be born without a mask

Like the city that nurtured my greed and my pride,
I stretch my arms into the sky
I cry Babel! Babel! Look at me now
Then the walls of my town, they come crumbling down

You ask where will we stand in the winds that will howl,
As all we see will slip into the cloud
So come down from your mountain and stand where we’ve been,
You know our breath is weak and our body thin

Press my nose up to the glass around your heart
I should’ve known I was weaker from the start
You’ll build your walls and I will play my bloody part
To tear, tear them down,
Well I’m gonna tear, tear them down

'Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
And I believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is fast,
But I’ll be born without a mask
Mumford and Sons, Babel

~~Love and joy, hope and peace because I'm feeling a little soppy~~

She writes a letter she doesn't have the balls to send to him. She is crying as she writes this.

She writes a letter she doesn't have the balls to send to him. She is crying as she writes this.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be with you. Be with you. Simply. Just be together. Go on cute dates which I normally would hate, but it's with you. Walking with your hand in mine. Fingers intertwined. For you to make me laugh and I make you.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be with you. Be with you. Passionately. To see you enter the room and have to stop myself from jumping you there. For playful days alone. For doing things that only we know.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be with you. Be with you. Just you. Depending on your face to get me through the day. Having conversations which last hours. When I feel I have no where to turn I turn to you. When I'm feeling down and you pick me up. Having you to make my life worth living.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be with you. Be with you. Forever. Knowing that I'll never be alone and you will always be with me. That I always have a future as you are it. That one day we will have a beautiful life together. That we will get married and have babies. Which are half me and half you. Growing old and dying together.
Maybe one day you'll wake up and realise I'm here just waiting for you. For you to be mine, all mine.
I'm intense and I know it. But I think we would work, if you just gave us a chance. I would give you everything I have, everything.
The other day someone asked me if I'd ever been in love. Half of me hopes I'm not as this is hard and hurts. Half of me knows that I am. Knowing that you're happy makes me the happiest person on the planet. When you talk to me I just want you to talk forever.
You look at me and I want to know what you see. What you think of me.
I know that one day something more will happen between us, it has to. I don't know what I'd do if it doesn't.

The only girl who will ever feel quite like this for you.


~~Thanks to anyone who bothered reading this~~

She is quite confused and it's about him.

She is quite confused and it's about him.
I need to vent so bad right now. It's about him. Who I'm going to refer to as Bugg, as in Jake Bugg because he's a love of mine at the moment. Bugg stresses me out.
I like to think he has no clue, but he does. Bugg this strange hold over me and he likes it. Thats sick, he likes how crap he makes me feel. That should stop me from liking Bugg, right?
Not that simple. Instead I'm just happy he cares, even in some sick manipulative way. Pathetic. As a little girl I promised myself I wouldn't ever be like this about anyone. I was a feminist from the first doll and dress.
I guess I've changed. I only wear dresses now afterall. Look at me.

He does not talk to me. Not at the moment. I can't be the one to talk to him. I can't. Will power girl, get some.

I'm scared he will reject me.

Please, just decide. Please, just leave me alone.





This makes no sense, I'm sorry. Please feel free to comment, I'm yet to get one and that would be really nice. Plus any advice would be nice also. I may attempt to write something which explains the predictment more clearly than this does.

~~Love and peace to all because I'm a kind mother fucker~~

She loves music but not so much to annoy people with it, so she is sorry for this.

She loves music but not so much to annoy people with it, so she is sorry for this.
Just listening to one of the best albums ever and thought that I should write my love down. Dry the River has always been one of the most listenable bands to me, like serious heaven for the ears. Shallow Bed (acoustic) which is the album I am currently listening to is wonderful.
A song I simply must mention is Bible Belt. This song also appears on their Weights & Measures EP and unbelievably this version is better. Such a loved song.
However my favourite track at the moment is No Rest. On repeat. It's that good, I normally hate repeating one song.



~~I loved you in the best way possible~~

She woke up late today. She could tell that she was going to have a bad day.

She woke up late today. She could tell that she was going to have a bad day.
Getting up late has a strange effect which doesn't just last for the morning as you wake yourself up but sticks with you for the entire day. For the entire day you're half an hour behind, or however long you overslept by. It's that bastard snooze button. Seems like a good idea at the time, you think it's your friend your savour. It's not. Must resist the temptation. Resist.
The majority of the morning was not unusually pitiful but it got worse. He told people. He told people and they told me. Thought that maybe it doesn't matter. It does, to me.
Can't stop thinking about it still. And him. He fills all empty thoughts.
One day I will tell him. He will be told about how he makes me feel. How I fill with dread and happiness. Horror and adoration. He is my biggest oxymoron.
"Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!
O any thing, of nothing first create!
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,
Sick health!
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!
This love feel I, that feel no love in this."
~Romeo, Shakespeare
Never liked Romeo, but I understand that.
 
~~I fell in love and all I did was cry~~